Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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