Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
FUCK WHALES
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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