I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
