Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
