My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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