Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
