and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
