Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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