oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
