i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
