I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
