I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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