Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize