i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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