You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
