Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
