i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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