i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
