P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
