chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
