I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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