you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
