Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
