ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
