the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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