I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
