Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
