he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
