Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
nutella sex= disaster
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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