Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing