omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid