she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?