i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check