my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
