..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
