I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
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It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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