so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
