well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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