God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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