im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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