I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
