Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
