Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
