just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
