Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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