the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
