He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you will always have a special place in my vag
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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