My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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