The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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