my vag is so smooth its legendary
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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