mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize