True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
