No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
