he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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