Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
