she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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