my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
