New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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