Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
