I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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