____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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