We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are we still banned from the library?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
