In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
