I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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