How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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