he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He has the fingertips of a God
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