I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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