Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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