ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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