Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
