Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
