There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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