So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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