Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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