hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
