Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could punch you in the face.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
