i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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