I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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